Starting Again in My 40s: Katherine Henry

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In my 40s, my husband and I decided to have a child of our own. Scott and I had always thought we wouldn’t have any children together. I’m already a mother to my 21-year-old son from my previous marriage and Scott had a vasectomy in his early 20s so it didn’t seem like something we were going to do. 

But one day, we changed our minds. 

We started our fertility journey 4 years ago in 2020.

Time was not on our side

We got started right away. We knew that because of our age and Scott’s vasectomy, time was not on our side so we went straight for in vitro fertilization (IVF). We found Reproductive Fertility Center through a friend who was also a patient. She now has 12-year-old twins. 

I did every fertility evaluation there was and every test in between. When we made it to our first egg retrieval, we didn’t have any viable eggs. But we weren’t going to give up; we tried again. 

At our 2nd egg retrieval, we were only able to make one embryo and it was a mosaic, an embryo that’s a mixture of normal and abnormal cells. This was not our best option as embryos with abnormal cells have lower chances of success. So, we did a 3rd egg retrieval. 

By this time, we didn’t have the means to do pre-implantation genetic testing (PGT) again so we told the embryologists to just pick the best-looking embryos for the transfer. 

And that’s what they did.

It was finally the long-awaited transfer day and we transferred 3 embryos from our 3rd egg retrieval. And the next thing we knew, I got a positive pregnancy test. 

It was not what we imagined

It would’ve been a joyous moment but we could feel the cautious optimism in the air. We did many many blood tests to officially confirm my pregnancy but the tests revealed that my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were inconsistent. We didn’t know if we should celebrate or mourn. We knew we had a low chance of success. We were told that we only had a 20% chance the transfer would work. 

But despite our slim odds, Scott and I decided we had to have faith. 

As the weeks went by, we kept going to our ultrasound appointments and ultimately, Dr. Lin concluded that there were no signs of a fetus on the ultrasound. There was no embryonic sac, no heartbeat, nothing.

But the pregnancy hormone was still there, suggesting that I was in fact pregnant. We were advised that if there was nothing to detect on my ultrasounds then I had to do a ‘chemo shot’, a dose of methotrexate to deelevate my HCG levels. We learned that if you have prolonged elevated levels of HCG, it can lead to pregnancy-related tumors and even clotting and an ectopic pregnancy. 

Dr. Lin showed us great compassion during this time. I told him I didn’t want to do the chemo shot just yet. I had heard of not being able to see the embryonic sac on the ultrasound before and I didn’t want to risk terminating a viable pregnancy. Dr. Lin completely understood where I was coming from and allowed us the chance to wait. As long as I didn’t feel anything was wrong physically, he said we could wait a little while longer. He could have been so clinical and doctorly about the situation, but he took the science with the faith, and Scott and I deeply appreciated it. It gave me peace of mind. 

Although we waited and hoped, I ultimately had a chemical miscarriage in the middle of the night. 

After a much-needed break

Shortly after my miscarriage, my brother passed away. I definitely was not in a place mentally or emotionally to do another transfer so we decided to take a much-needed break from it all. We took about a full year break from trying to conceive.

When my brother passed, he left his children in our care. They are 2 and 3. This made Scott and I really think. Since we were already taking care of two young children, we thought, “Why not continue and have our own too”?

So we resumed our fertility journey and got ready for another transfer. 

We still had that one mosaic embryo from our 2nd retrieval. It kept coming back to our minds and we thought, “Why not just give it a shot”? We also had an untested embryo from the 3rd retrieval. We knew that the mosaic was a girl, but we knew nothing about the other embryo. We wanted to transfer both of them at the same time.

Dr. Lin and the embryologist agreed and we did the transfer. We waited and waited and we got another positive pregnancy test. We were so scared and didn’t want to get ahead of ourselves. After my miscarriage, we just felt like everything was so fragile. 

We started doing the blood tests again, my HCG levels were good, and everything was going to plan. 

Before the break we took, Dr. Lin was doing our ultrasounds. When we came back, we had a new sonographer. She was so informative and could not have been sweeter.

We went in for our ultrasound and we didn’t hear a heartbeat. I thought to myself, “Maybe it’s just too soon”, but then all of a sudden, our sonographer pointed to the screen and said, “Look, there’s your baby”!

It was just a little blip on the screen and I couldn’t really wrap my head around it. It wasn’t until we came back for our second ultrasound and we heard the heartbeat that it really settled in. I was pregnant and my baby had a heartbeat.

In all the years we’ve been together, I had never seen Scott cry until that day. He heard the heartbeat and just lost it. I was so dumbfounded that I almost didn’t know how to react. 

Being pregnant again and hearing our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, it was just the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. We were beyond thrilled.

Pregnancy in my 40s

Going through pregnancy in general is already hard on the body. Going through pregnancy in your 40s is even harder, especially when you also have a seizure disorder.

I had morning sickness. A lot of morning sickness. In fact, I had it all throughout my pregnancy. It was just awful.

Around 6 months into my pregnancy, I stepped on a broken piece of wood and had a fall. I felt fine afterwards but I was so worried I went to go get checked out immediately. And it was a good thing I did. 

My baby was okay, but I was diagnosed with preeclampsia—high blood pressure during pregnancy. If my blood pressure wasn’t brought under control, I faced the risk of eclampsia, which could lead to seizures during pregnancy. With my existing seizure disorder, I was deeply worried that this might become a reality.

The doctor took one look at my chart and told me I was not leaving the hospital. They were worried that my condition, combined with high blood pressure, could lead to a seizure that might put my life at serious risk.

One morning, I woke up and could not breathe. My chest felt like it was crackling and popping. We called the doctor right away and I had a chest x-ray and EKG done. I had pulmonary edema and congestive heart failure. My lungs were filling up with fluid. 

During this terrifying time, I realized I was always worried about my baby and never thought to think that I also had to worry about myself. 

It was decided that I needed to be induced that very day.

The birth of my son

On the day I was induced, we learned that my baby was breached. Not only was my baby breached, but he was breached in one of the worst positions possible. He was sideways and facing upwards. Because of this, a natural vaginal delivery was off the table and we had to do an emergency c-section. 

But before we could do anything, the doctor had to rotate my baby in the right direction while he was still in my belly. 

It was an excruciatingly painful maneuver and labor but once we finally, finally, heard him cry, we just exhaled an immense sigh of relief. It felt like I could breathe again. 

By then, we obviously knew which embryo had stuck from the transfer. It wasn’t the mosaic. It was the untested embryo because Scott and I now had a beautiful baby boy. 

The birth was very hard on my body, given the surgery and my previous conditions. I was on bed rest and had to recover. The worst part was that I couldn’t see my baby for nearly 36 hours. He was born 2 months early and had to spend a few weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Scott was there for our son the whole time, doing skin-to-skin with him. They call it kangaroo care. The skin-to-skin contact is supposed to help the baby get better faster.

3 weeks later, we brought our baby boy home. 

Grateful for my family

There’s definitely a stigma surrounding fertility treatments and I’m just so grateful to those who helped us get to where we are. 

Scott was so good to me when I had to do the IVF medications. He had the whole process down to a science. He did all the measurements, calendared the medication schedule, and all I had to do was just take the medications. The injection process was difficult and the side effects made me feel really insecure, but Scott was there for me and we knew that with each injection, we were one step closer to having a baby.

Scott’s mother was a big part of our support system. She was ecstatic that she was finally getting a grandchild. She was very involved in our journey and there for me. My mother was of course supportive but she wasn’t very involved during the time as she was doing the best she could after my brother’s passing. But the support I had extended beyond my actual family.

Everyone at RFC was so amazing to Scott and me. Somewhere along the way, everyone at RFC became like family. They knew about our family, and we knew about theirs.

Jennifer and Abby were great coordinators to us. They really walked us through everything and showed us great support, always checking in. My sonographer was great and made me so comfortable during my ultrasounds.

I really want to commend Dr. Lin for how thorough he is. Within the first 15 minutes of my initial consultation, he already knew what seizure disorder I have and what medications I was taking for it. It felt like he knew everything about my medical history already and didn’t miss a beat. We are so thankful to Dr. Lin. Not only is he an exceptional medical professional, but he also demonstrates great compassion and faith in his care.

Do whatever it takes

My advice to others who are also thinking about fertility treatments is: just do it. Whatever you have to do, just do it. Whether it be budgeting or throwing a fundraiser, you just have to try and not give up. 

Even if our story didn’t work out for us, I’d feel peace in knowing that we at least tried and did everything we could. There wouldn’t be a daunting “what if” hanging over us. I’ve never regretted anything we’ve done to achieve our family.

We’re all sleep-deprived now but so so good. My baby is 4 months old now. 

Every time I go into the nursery I see the RFC Ray Bear and I am just so aware of the gift we’ve been given. Ray Bear serves as a reminder of all the people who helped Scott and me get to where we are. 

I had my first child 20 years ago and now I’m a mother to a newborn again in my 40s. I feel complete as a mother now.

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