About a year after our wedding, my wife and I sat down and had a serious conversation about having kids. We decided it was time; we were ready and we were going to start trying.
It ended up not being as simple as we thought.
For 6 months, we tried the conventional way but noticed that it hadn’t happened for us yet. We weren’t overly concerned, but around this time is when we started tracking my wife’s ovulation. We did that for another 6 months and realized it still had not happened for us. After an entire year of trying, we decided it was time to go to the doctor and get checked out.
My wife got her fertility tested on her behalf and I did the same. Her results came back normal. But when I got my results back, it turned out that the problem lay with me.
I have male factor infertility. My results indicated that my sperm was low in count, motility, quality, and generally unviable for conception. This was disheartening news and definitely not what we expected but we weren’t going to let it stop us from achieving our dream of having children.
How we went about our journey
Before we ended up at Reproductive Fertility Center (RFC), we met with a few other doctors prior to Dr. Lin. We first met with a physician in Orange County who specializes in male factor infertility. I was put on all sorts of medications to boost my sperm viability before we would do a sperm retrieval for intrauterine insemination (IUI). I was on various oral medications as well as injectable medications.
We did three IUI attempts, and all were ultimately unsuccessful.
The duration of that process took about 6 months to a year. So, it felt like we had wasted another 6 months to a year not being pregnant. We were so eager to have children and we never imagined that it would take us this long. But we were persistent, determined, and we surely were not going to give up.
From there, we saw another fertility doctor in Beverly Hills who specializes in sperm mapping, a minimally invasive procedure to determine the presence and location of sperm in the testicles. It had taken us some time to get an appointment with this doctor and when we finally did, we were hopeful.
However, it turned out that I was not a candidate for the sperm mapping procedure.
At that point, we didn’t know where to turn. But, that was the catalyst for the moment when we finally reached out to RFC and found Dr. Lin.
Using a donor
When we met with Dr. Lin he put me on more medications to try and spike my sperm levels. He told us that this would take yet another 6 months to a year for only the potential of it working. My wife and I felt discouraged not only because we had to wait again, but also because we were waiting for something that might work.
But at the end of the day, of course we were willing to do it. We utilized this time to look at the other options Dr. Lin presented to us.
We looked at all options available to us: adoption, using a sperm donor, embryo adoption. We played around with our options for a while. It was a difficult decision for us to make; it was especially difficult for me.
My wife did a lot of research for the both of us and told me about sperm donor profiles, and how you can see all these details about the donors. You can see what they looked like as children, where they went to school, what their occupations are, their medical history, and even what kind of tendencies they have.
When it came to choosing a sperm donor, I really did not want to be involved in the process. It was too hard for me at the time. But I am so grateful to my wife who understood my position and was able to take over in that regard. She stepped up for the both of us and I couldn’t be more thankful that she is completely understanding of my situation, providing me support and more importantly, providing our marriage support. Because, having male infertility, and being the reason we were not able to conceive naturally is taxing on an individual, and honestly, it can be taxing on the marriage.
It was a difficult time for us. The hardest part was that we didn’t want to tell our friends and family about how we were using a donor. We were open to everyone about our fertility struggles but didn’t feel it was necessary to share the specifics.
It made it difficult for me because I couldn’t really talk about it with anyone. I was frustrated and heartbroken over our circumstances, but thanks to my wife and her unwavering support, I was able to get into the right head space for the journey ahead.
When all the anxiety went away
After having chosen a sperm donor, the next step for us was to do in vitro fertilization (IVF). My wife was now the one on injectable medications, preparing her body for the IVF process. It’s obviously not fun to inject yourself with these medications. We would be at the point of tears and thought to ourselves if we should even keep going. Stabbing yourself with needles day after day takes a toll on your body.
But this was a turning point for us.
We did 1 normal round of IVF. We were able to create 4 embryos in total. We implanted 2 embryos, 1 of them took, and now we have a beautiful 3 year old.
The day we got the call confirming the pregnancy, all the anxiety, heartache, and negative thoughts went away. We couldn’t have been more elated. We finally made it.
Every time we went in for a check-up, we felt reassured that everything was worth it. Finding out the gender, seeing the 3D and 4D ultrasound scans, and watching our baby’s facial features come to life—it was all so significant. Moments like these reminded us why we worked so hard.
My wife and I are incredibly grateful to Dr. Lin. He was with us every step of the way, right from the very beginning. Every time we went to the clinic, he was there, taking the time to sit down and discuss our journey with us. He always took the time to say hi, making sure we were okay and well cared for, all the way until we graduated.
My advice to others
During this time, I leaned a lot on faith. I would spend my time reading the bible, praying, and having a lot of hard, but necessary, conversations with my wife.
Sometimes the journey makes you ask questions like “Why me?” and you don’t really have any answers, but through our faith and dedication, we were able to alleviate the negative thoughts going through our minds.
The fertility journey is not always an easy path. It is something that requires time and dedication. From the very beginning, when we realized that there might be fertility issues, I told my wife that I will do whatever it takes for us to have children. Whether that meant spending all our money on treatments or adopting a child from another country, I would make it happen and we will have children.
You have to have the mindset and goal that you will not let anything come between you and your future child. If a family is what you desire, you have to be all-in and willing to work through the process, even if it’s difficult.
As for now
Our beautiful child will be 3 years old a month from now. My amazing wife and I are getting ready to have another child in maybe a year or two. We don’t want to rush into it because we waited so long to have a child and we just want a little extra time with him before we add another addition to our family.
When you want something for so long and work towards something for long, you just want to savor the joy of it. So, for right now, we’re soaking up all the joy we can get and giving our child all our love and attention.