Becoming a two-daddy family can be overwhelming and many couples may not know where to start. For two dads, the path to parenthood often involves several important steps, from initial health checks to finding the right egg donor and surrogate.
If you’re wondering where and how to start your fertility journey, here’s a comprehensive guide to help you navigate starting your two-daddy family.
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How do gay couples start a family?
For same-sex male couples, starting a family typically involves using an egg donor and surrogate along with in vitro fertilization (IVF).
With egg donor IVF, an egg from a selected donor is fertilized with sperm from you or your partner to create embryos. The resulting embryos are then implanted into a gestational surrogate, who will carry the pregnancy to term.
Interested in Egg Donor IVF?
Before starting egg donor IVF, below are some considerations that should be checked off when beginning your two-daddy family journey.
1. Pre-test with a Semen Analysis
The first step towards becoming a two-daddy family is to assess your reproductive health. A semen analysis is a crucial preliminary test that evaluates the health and viability of your sperm.
This test involves collecting a semen sample and measuring its:
- Sperm Count: The number of sperm present in the semen.
- Motility: How well the sperm can swim.
- Morphology: The shape and structure of the sperm.
Scheduling a semen analysis with a fertility specialist can help identify any potential issues early on, ensuring you have the best possible chances of success. It’s also an opportunity to discuss any lifestyle changes or medical treatments that may improve your fertility.
2. Work with an Egg Donor/Surrogacy Agency
Once you’ve completed the semen analysis, the next step is to research reputable egg donor and surrogate agencies. These agencies play a large role in guiding you through the process as it can be complex and overwhelming.
An egg donor and surrogacy agency will offer beneficial services such as:
- Screening and Matching: Helping you find the right egg donor and surrogate.
- Legal Assistance: Navigating the legal aspects of surrogacy agreements.
- Emotional Support: Providing counseling and support throughout the journey.
Choosing an agency with a proven track record and positive reviews can make the process smoother and less stressful for both you and your partner.
3. Find an Egg Donor and Surrogate
How to Choose an Egg Donor
After selecting an egg donor and surrogate agency, you’ll begin the process of selecting an egg donor that’s right for you. Reviewing egg donor profiles is an exciting yet meticulous task.
When choosing a donor, you may find yourself wondering, “What would I like my baby to look like?” or “What would their personalities be like?” It’s important to determine what characteristics and qualities you and your partner desire before selecting a candidate.
Egg donor profiles typically include:
- Physical Attributes: Photos, height, weight, eye color, and hair color.
- Educational Background: Academic achievements and interests.
- Health History: Personal and family medical history.
- Personal Interests and Hobbies: Insight into the donor’s personality and lifestyle.
How to Choose a Surrogate
Once you have chosen an egg donor, the next step is to find a surrogate. This is one of the most critical decisions in your egg donor IVF journey. The surrogate will carry your child for nine months, so finding someone you trust and feel comfortable with is essential.
The process involves:
- Medical and Psychological Screening: Ensuring the surrogate is physically and mentally prepared for pregnancy.
- Legal Agreements: Establishing a clear and binding surrogacy contract.
- Personal Connection: Building a relationship with the surrogate to ensure a positive and supportive experience for all parties involved.
Trust and reliability are essential to have in a surrogacy relationship. This will ensure that the surrogate is committed, responsible, and dedicated to fulfilling their role. Agencies will typically facilitate meetings between the intended parents and potential surrogates to ensure a good match.
4. Start the IVF Process
Choosing Whose Sperm to Use
Deciding whose sperm to use is an important step in the process and requires careful thought and consideration. Both you and your partner may want to contribute genetically to the IVF process, and it’s crucial to approach this decision collaboratively.
Here are several factors to consider when making this decision:
- Health and Fertility: The results of the semen analysis can guide your decision. If one partner has significantly higher sperm quality, it may make sense to use their sperm to increase the chances of successful fertilization.
- Genetic Factors: Consider any hereditary conditions or traits you may want to pass on or avoid passing on. Genetic counseling can provide insights into the potential risks of hereditary conditions.
- Personal Preferences: Sometimes the decision is based on personal or emotional reasons, such as which partner feels a stronger desire to have a biological connection to your child.
- Creating Embryos with Both Sperm: Some couples choose to fertilize multiple eggs with sperm from both partners, allowing for a mix of embryos. This way, you can decide which embryos to use based on which embryos develop most successfully.
Financial Considerations
It’s important to keep in mind that not all IVF donor cycles will result in a pregnancy. Although quality donor eggs provide a higher success rate, treatment is never guaranteed the first time around and there are cases where the egg will not be implanted successfully in the chosen surrogate. It may take a couple of cycles to achieve a successful implantation.
Factors that may affect your egg donor IVF cycle are:
- Embryo quality
- Sperm quality
- Thickness of uterine lining
- Lifestyle health of donor and/or recipient
Speak to your partner beforehand to determine how much you both are willing to invest in the fertility process. Unlike heterosexual couples, same-sex male couples will need to consider the cost of egg donation and the cost of surrogacy in addition to the IVF treatment.
RFC understands financial considerations are an important part of medical care, especially in fertility. Our staff is available to verify your insurance in detail, to help you maximize your insurance coverage, as well as explain any financial options.
Visit RFCFamily.com/resources/financial-information to learn more about how our financial coordinators can guide your financial planning for fertility treatments.
5. Prepare for Your Surrogacy Journey
With the IVF process underway, it’s time to prepare for the surrogacy journey. This stage involves:
- Emotional Preparation: Attending counseling sessions to prepare for the emotional aspects of surrogacy.
- Financial Planning: Budgeting for medical costs, surrogate compensation, legal fees, and other expenses.
- Support System: Building a network of friends, family, and professionals who can provide support and guidance throughout the journey.
Throughout the surrogacy journey, maintain open communication with your surrogate and stay actively involved in the process. Regular updates and shared experiences can strengthen the bond and ensure a positive experience for everyone involved.
Becoming a two-daddy family is a fulfilling journey that requires careful planning and support. By following these steps, from pre-testing to preparing for the surrogacy journey, you can navigate becoming a two-daddy family with the information you need.
LGBTQIA+ Fertility Treatments
In honor of Pride Month this year, we are offering $1,800 OFF our Egg Donor IVF cycles, perfect for same-sex male couples looking to grow their families with the help of donor eggs. This promotion is available until June 30th and time slots are limited, so be sure to schedule your consultation today! The team at Reproductive Fertility Center is here to support LGBTQ+ individuals on the path to becoming parents.
For more information, visit our dedicated page on LGBTQIA+ family building or contact us!