We've always wanted a big family
My husband and I always dreamed of having a big family. But when it came down to it, we never thought we would struggle with fertility issues. This, however, was not going to stop me; I was determined. So, my husband and I adopted 6 children. Our oldest is our son, 17, then our daughters, 14 and 7, and then our triplets. Our oldest son is my stepson. Our daughters are my nieces whom we’ve legally adopted from my sister-in-law who struggles with addiction. A couple of years after that, we got a call from social services saying that a set of triplets needed a home. Of course, this was a big decision because there were three of them! That was a lot to take on but we ultimately took them in too, and now they’re also a part of our growing family.
While we were expanding our family through adoption, we were also simultaneously undergoing fertility treatments. Despite my fertility complications, my husband and I desperately wanted a biological child as part of our growing family. Our determination is what led us to have our beautiful son, Legend. He is our newest addition to the family. Legend is our first biological child, conceived through Reproductive Fertility Center. The story of how Legend came to be is only as fitting as his name, a legend.
How our Legend came to be
My husband and I have been trying to have a biological child for 17 years. We’re Romanian, and in our culture, you get married and start having kids. Well, we tried for so long and had no luck. Around our 8th year of marriage, we started trying more aggressively. This was around the time when my niece, was born and I had my first Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) with my OB. It ultimately wasn’t successful and since my husband and I had been trying to conceive naturally for years by that point, and now the unsuccessful IUI, my OB suggested that we would need more help. That’s when we were referred to see a fertility specialist at RFC, Dr. Lin.
Even though we were referred to a specialist, it took me a long time to actually decide to go. I was very caught up in the idea of trying to conceive naturally. I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t get pregnant the natural way like everyone else. But eventually, I decided to go because my desire to carry a child was stronger than my insecurities.
What ultimately sold my husband and me on RFC was how straightforward and transparent they were. We went in and they were surprisingly so clear and informative. They gave us a real price right away and didn’t try to sugarcoat it. I mean, it’s fertility treatment and it’s obviously expensive, but at the end of the day, we were trying to make a baby! You can’t put a price on that.
Adoption and fertility treatments at the same time
While I was struggling with my fertility, I adopted my 6 beautiful children. My adoptions occurred at the same time I was undergoing my fertility treatments. While I was working hard to grow my family, I was also working hard in school to get my master’s degree, and working hard as a nurse. Looking back, I can’t believe I was able to do all that at once. I had so much on my plate, and I was most definitely overwhelmed. What got me through it was my amazing support system. I had so many friends and family members to lean on and help my husband and me during that hectic, crazy time trying to balance everything.
Our 17-year long fertility journey
Our fertility journey was a long and challenging one. My husband and I had been trying for a baby for years and years. It was 17 years of IUIs, egg retrievals, IVF cycles, and embryo transfers. At that point in my journey, I had been pregnant 7 times and miscarried all 7 times. 6 of them were chemical miscarriages, where there isn’t a heartbeat at all. Losing all 7 of my pregnancies throughout the years has truly been the most devastating experience I’ve ever endured.
It was difficult for me to carry a pregnancy because I have endometriosis. It’s caused me to have cysts on my left uterine side and a low egg reserve. I was diagnosed with endometriosis before coming to RFC and had to have surgery for it because I was basically bleeding internally every time I had my period. Around the time of my surgery, I officially adopted my niece from my sister-in-law who couldn’t look after her. It was a lot to take on, trying to navigate a newly adopted daughter, while also trying to overcome my fertility challenges. But I remained optimistic. My OB, who performed my surgery, told me that after I was healed from the surgery would be the best time to try to conceive because all the abnormalities were removed from my uterus. That gave me hope.
By then, the cost of all the treatments was beginning to add up, so we decided to sell our house and move. With the money gained from selling our house, we had some extra money to continue to fund our fertility treatments. We already had our adopted children by then and my husband wanted a down payment for a new car. But I thought to myself, this is my “little something” to spend. I don’t spend money on drugs or alcohol, I don’t gamble. I thought to myself, I want to splurge and get something for myself. So I got IVF again. My husband agreed and of course, was supportive. We talked about a cut-off of how much money we were willing to spend on treatments. We decided that our limit was $115k to $120k. If we got to that point, we were going to be done.
So, I did 2 more egg retrievals. After the retrievals, I ended up with only 2 embryos. I thought, at this rate, we were reaching our budget sooner than expected. I was desperate for the implantation to work this time, as it was looking like this might be our last attempt. We ended up doing a fresh transfer to boost our chances. To our surprise, that attempt resulted in a pregnancy with twins!
Unfortunately, the joy of the pregnancy didn’t last long. Earlier on in my pregnancy, I started to feel very ill so I went to the ER. I was sweating, nauseous, and throwing up. I was told that my symptoms were normal for a pregnant woman and I didn’t need to worry about anything. They showed me my babies’ heartbeats and then sent me home. I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously because my pregnancy was under 20 weeks. I felt like I was being dismissed and overlooked.
I went home and it went downhill from there. One night I began sweating and throwing up profusely. I had this terrible feeling and I just knew something was wrong. I went to the bathroom and I felt blood everywhere. I was miscarrying again. It turns out that I had a UTI from antibiotic drug resistance and had been septic for almost a month.
I went to the hospital and they gave me medication to pass the placentas at home but the placentas were so big that I began bleeding excessively. My husband rushed me to the hospital again and I had to have an emergency D&C. That experience was one of the most traumatizing things I’ve ever gone through; I almost died.
Three months after my emergency D&C, I realized that we still had some room in our budget. The miscarriage was physically and mentally draining but I wanted to be all in. I just felt like this time around would be different. I knew now that I was prone to infections and sepsis so I would be monitored more carefully and knew that I needed to stand up for myself harder. Dr. Lin was extremely emphatic during this time. He made sure I was 100% ready to give it another try before we started again. I was sure, and we tried one last time. We did another embryo transfer and we were pregnant once more. But this time, it ended with our first biological son, Legend.
Legend’s journey into this world wasn’t an easy one. He was originally supposed to be born with a twin sibling. Sadly, his sibling, Twin A, miscarried. When I went through that miscarriage, the hospital told me that I needed to terminate Twin B, Legend, as well because they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. After my last traumatizing hospital experience, I didn’t feel right about what they were telling me and just didn’t trust the hospital. So I texted Jennifer, my coordinator at RFC, and told her what was going on. She immediately booked me a last-minute appointment with Dr. Lin to see for themselves. She was right to do that because when I got there, Dr. Lin confirmed that my Twin B still had a heartbeat. He was okay, and I am beyond thankful that I trusted my intuition and didn’t listen when the hospital told me I had to terminate Legend.
Our true knot baby
Legend had one more hurdle to overcome before he was born. He had a true knot in his umbilical cord. A true knot is a knot in the umbilical cord that can cut off circulation to the fetus. It’s especially dangerous when in labor. True knots only occur in 1% of babies. Despite it all, Legend was born a happy and healthy baby.
After 17 long years, dozens of IVF cycles, egg retrievals, embryo transfers, and 7 miscarriages, we finally had our own biological son. I finally fulfilled my dream of successfully carrying a baby and finally felt like a true woman. In the end, I genuinely felt that this was the way it had to be. Our journey was meant to go the way that it did so that we could end up with Legend. It really felt like everything happened for a reason, and that reason was Legend.
It was unbelievable
After 8 pregnancies and 7 miscarriages, only the last pregnancy felt like the real thing. During my last transfer that ended with Legend, I wasn’t too optimistic that the transfer was going to be successful because of my history, but I was still eager to find out. I was peeing on a stick every single day. After two weeks, I went into the clinic to get my bloodwork done and determine if I was pregnant. My numbers were good and they showed that I was pregnant. I was so happy but didn’t want to get my hopes up. I had been down this road many times already and knew that nothing was certain until 5 or 6 weeks when Dr. Lin could confirm.
Well, the time finally came and I was 100 percent pregnant and I successfully carried to term. It was an immensely emotional feeling. Baby Legend was born. He is truly our miracle story. This whole time, I felt like something was missing, and now I finally feel whole. Even though I have many kids already, I never got to experience a full-term pregnancy before Legend. Because of my culture, people would tell me that I wasn’t a real mom because I didn’t carry them in my belly. But I knew that was far from the truth. I was a mother of 6, and now with Legend, I am a mother of 7.
How acupuncture helped me
Acupuncture played a big role in my fertility journey. Initially, I wasn’t sure of acupuncture and was pretty skeptical. I’m a nurse and I have only ever focused on Western medicine, so something like acupuncture which takes a holistic approach was something I would have never considered before. But when I decided to give it a try, I was amazed at the results. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but acupuncture just makes me feel like I’m focusing and nurturing my entire body.
The only times my pregnancies resulted in heartbeats were when I did acupuncture. Looking back, I can’t stress enough how much I recommend acupuncture to those who are trying to get pregnant. It’s extremely healing and helped bring me closer to my dream of carrying a child. If you’re open to trying alternative approaches to fertility, acupuncture is a great treatment to try.
Special thanks to RFC
My husband and I are so glad we found RFC. Dr. Lin was an amazing doctor to us during a very long and difficult road. We’re so thankful that Dr. Lin stuck by us all these years and was willing to remain persistent. I knew he saw that I was going to keep pushing no matter what, so he helped and supported me.
All of RFC was amazing; I felt incredibly supported by everyone: my coordinators Jennifer and Cynthia, all the front desk receptionists, Lauren, Nataly, and my sonographer Debbie, just to name a few. They were all so sweet. Iris, my acupuncturist, was so attentive to my needs and the changes in my body. She was the first to recognize when something was wrong when I was dismissed by the hospital.
Our big family now
My infertility experience changed my perspective on life in general. I learned that there doesn’t have to be a specific timeline for when to start a family. We don’t have to follow the generic, go to school, make money, get married, and then have a family. If I could change anything, it would’ve been to have kids earlier and experience the joys of parenthood sooner.
At one point, I felt like I was playing God and trying to force my journey. But in the end, I realized, that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I’m beyond happy that everything worked out and I’m glad that I tried everything that I could. Even if it wasn’t going to work out, I would’ve wanted the closure of knowing that I did everything I could to at least try.
We are now a family of 9. That may sound like a big family, but I think God is not done with us yet. I still have some frozen embryos left and I hope that they will be successful. Maybe in a year. I don’t even feel like I’m done with adoption yet. I love my big family, and I want to see it continue to grow.
Having so many children is not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it. I know I don’t have the most conventional family and I took the nonconventional road to parenthood, but my husband and I are always open to different things.
As for now, I want to do my best to balance my life with work and kids. I’m really proud of everything my husband and I have achieved and I’m very proud of my body for all the hard work it’s done for us.
