My Single Woman’s Journey to Motherhood: Jamie

Happy Asian woman and Asian male doctor holding teddy bear together

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In 2019, when I was 37 years old, I thought about becoming a single mom.

I really wanted to have a baby and since I didn’t see myself being in a relationship anytime soon, I decided to go for it. Once I knew what I wanted, there was no turning back. I had no information at all about being a single mom by choice and I did what we all do, a Google search on where to begin. I started looking for websites on fertility clinics and stumbled upon RFC’s Yelp reviews and that is what made me decide on RFC. I had my first consultation with RFC in October and purchased a donor sperm at the end of that same year.

About my treatment

I did two IUIs that weren’t successful, froze three rounds of eggs, and in 2022 made the decision to do IVF. I was hoping in the next 5 years if I was in a relationship, I could use those eggs, but I didn’t realize that it was so hard to get embryos. I only had one vial left of the donor which is why I decided to unfreeze everything for my last cycle. I also didn’t want to be too old when I started having babies and I was hoping with more embryos I could possibly have siblings.  Finally, two days before Christmas I had my second transfer, and it was successful.

Making the decision and getting started with the process was the hardest part but RFC made the process super easy. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but going through with it was the biggest step I had to take, including the egg retrievals and medical appointments. The IVF process was not hard on my own with the support system I had in my sister and dad.

I joined online groups.

Joining groups like the online group, and single moms by choice also helped in my journey. Reading other mom’s stories in the community at all stages was very encouraging, whether thinking, trying, or raising a little one. I also joined the sibling registry through California Cryobank. I am in a group chat with 10 moms, and we all share the same donor. I even met one of the moms and siblings from Colorado. It was nice to see how similar we are, as she was also pursuing single motherhood. It’s amazing to have the support and network of moms, to have a group of women to lean on and who understand your journey because they’ve gone through it as well. If anyone is considering using California Cryobank, I highly recommend getting involved in the sibling registry, especially as a single mom.

My experience with another fertility clinic vs. RFC

Originally, I started with another facility, but I was unsure of what step to take. I remember the doctor’s response being “Tell me what you want to do” which made me more confused. Coming to RFC I felt guided and supported. When I first met Dr. Lin, he laid out all the options and took the words out of my mouth. He was the one that asked, “What about a second kid in the future, wouldn’t you want to freeze your eggs?” And I said, “Yes! That’s exactly what I was thinking!” So, once I had that consult, I felt like “Okay yes, this is more of a fit.”

I like how Dr. Lin sees every patient and goes on a case-by-case basis. He tries to look at what their needs and wants are vs. tell me what to do. You can tell he’s not just trying to push people through the practice, and he really cares about your outcome.

My family was really surprised by my decision to become a single mother by choice.

It is not an unusual process, single motherhood by choice, but it is a unique one. Overall, they are happy for me and excited and ready to have a baby around as the first grandbaby in my immediate family. They have been supporting me the whole time, my sister has been taking me to my appointments and will be in the delivery room and also confiding in my dad.

ultrasound scan of fetus from Reproductive Fertility Center

My advice to you.

Starting a family is a deeply personal decision. At the end of the day, you must ask yourself what is important to you. If you really want to have a baby I say, “Go for it” and do it earlier, to have a higher chance. When I did it at 37, I now think it may have been a little later than I would have liked. But I say if you are thinking about it and are financially stable to do so, go for it, make some embryos! I learned so much during my fertility journey for instance even if you have good embryos, they don’t always take.

Therefore, my suggestion to single mothers is that the sooner they start on this path, the higher the potential for enhanced embryo quality and an increased likelihood of success. While taking this step might be intimidating due to its unfamiliarity, if the desire for parenthood has always been a part of one’s aspirations, starting the journey sooner is the wiser choice.

Thank you, RFC for making my dream of family a reality.

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